EyeBall in BOHOL!!!

Just got back from 5 most excellent days
with 27 members of Lola Sally's Clan
in CEBU and BOHOL...

after I get rid of this distraction called WORK,
the stories will be told

and the pictures shall be shown!!!

Thank You, TONY BLAIR

A few days ago,
the world bade goodbye to one of my idols,

PRIME MINISTER TONY BLAIR

of the United Kingdom,
arguably the most charismatic political leader,
and definitely the best speaker,
since John F. Kennedy and Ninoy Aquino.


I'd planned to write a longer tribute,
and I will still do so,

but this past Friday,
at my cousin Kat Hizon's wedding to Walter Yu of Cebu,

I couldn't resist posing like the PM,
as I announced the proclamation of
Fr. Ed Panlilio as Pampanga's New Governor
to our families and friends ",

(the problem is,
I look more like horndog Bill Clinton in this picture.)

Tanghalian sa OROQUIETA

Nothing beats Sunday Lunch at home with the family,

and nothing is better than Pampango-Pinoy Pagkain!!

for starters,
SCRAMBLED EGGS SAUTEED WITH BURONG MUSTASA

perfect when mixed up with steaming hot white rice,
sort of a LECHONSILOG...

just add the oh-so-crunchy LIEMPO LECHON KAWALI!!!

Mang Tomas Lechon Sauce is never absent,

and even better, dip the pork in this Onion and Toyo/Suka mix!!

What Cabalen's lunch would be complete without Enselada?

This Sunday features WANSUY-SIBUYAS-KAMATIS with just-ripened MANGOES!

and to assuage our Pork Guilt, HILABOS na HIPON!!!

and the Grand Finale, Dessert:

FRESH CHERRIES from Australia by way of Binondo, a steal at P700/kilo!!!

SHREK 3 Strikes Out!!!

i'm so soo disappointed.

after the non-stop laughs and creative genius in Shreks 1 and 2,
this third installment seems to have run out of (swamp) gas.

Shrek 3 in a word is..........disjointed;
as I was watching it, I couldn't tell if it wanted to be:

a female empowerment movie,
a revenge fantasy,
a coming-of-age teenage film,
or a love story of newlyweds having a baby.

sadly,
none of these elements really come together in the film.



It seems like George Lucas snuck in
and somehow directed this movie the same way he did his excruciating
StarWars : The Phantom Menace.


In Shrek 3,
there's a really really tedious and totally unnecessary subplot
about a young King Arthur (yes, that Arthur of Camelot!)
that will remind you of the irritating petulance of the young Anakin Skywalker.

I never thought I'd ever use "BORING" to describe a Shrek film,
but this one really is.

There are some excellent jokes in the movie,
but you already saw the best bits in the trailers, actually.

But these laugh out loud moments come few and far between.
There are l-o-n-g stretches where like Quai Gon Jin and Anakin,
Shrek and the young Arthur discuss the maturity process of self-discovery,


and during these scenes,
there was total unappreciative silence in the movie theater....
the adults and parents were almost falling asleep,
and the poor kids got completely restless and clueless.

Look,
if you're going to put the young King Arthur (and Merlin the Magician!!!)
in a movie, you better damn well include EXCALIBUR!!!!

And since we're on the topic of Swords (and lightsabers),
to conclude The Phantom Menace analogy,
this time around,

Donkey and Puss in Boots,
act rather like the horrendously unfunny Jar Jar Binks.
Their antics, forced slapstick.



The Movie Tries TOO HARD.
Everyone but the kitchen sink in the land of fairy tales,
including Captain Hook (!) from Peter Pan,
are forced into the storyline just too keep us entertained.


The jokes are way too RANDOM.
A Shrek movie that encourages children to laugh during a deathbed scene?
That's just plain bad taste on the part of the director and screenwriters.


Pop Songs are utilized to get appreciative nods from the adults in the audience,
but they aren't even used properly....

for instance,
I got jazzed when I heard Paul McCartney's Live and Let Die theme,
and I figured that we would somehow get a Shrek 007 spoof,
or a surprise appearance by Sir Paul as a CGI character,
but....

the song just faded out............ just like that.


Great set-up,
and absolutely zero denouement.

Just like .....

Primus Inter PARI...

...First AMONG Equals

(well, NOT exactly;
unless you consider the lesser Mark Lapid and Lilia Pineda as equals)



Before Fr. Ed Panlilio was convinced to run for Governor
less than two months ago,

most Capampangans were feeling a weird sense of dislocation
and isolation from their home province.

We loved our Pampanga,
but we couldn't fathom how we found ourselves in a situation
wherein we had to choose between
an underwhelming Lapid and an undeserving Pineda
as our only choices to lead the province.

Personally,
I thought that we were in a hopeless situation.

I completely lost whatever last vestige of respect
I had for Gloria Macapagal Arroyo,

after she let this happen in the province she supposedly calls home;
a home, that at the very least, she should keep clean...

but she has allowed Pampanga to wallow in a pigsty of miserable leadership.

FR. ED,
God bless him,
provided the LIGHT.

Shining,
in his signature plain white T-shirt,
his simple presence,
and his sincere campaign

underscored the stark contrast between the extravagant darkness
and true lies of the forces he was up against.

His quickly became the most compelling campaign of Election '07.
It was, after all, an irresistible parable of Good vs. Evil.

Slowly but surely,
the national media picked up the David vs. (2!) Goliaths story,
almost biblical in its allusions and repercussions.

Concerned Filipinos from all over the country,
and all over the world,
considered Among's campaign in Pampanga
as symbolic of the Philippines' purification of the miasma of GMA.


And like the proverbial manna from heaven,
donations started pouring in,

and volunteerism,
the likes of which we haven't seen since
the Cory Campaign of 1986,
proved to be the difference.

Still,
it was a tough, tough war to win.

Last Thursday night, May 17,
with 17 of the 21 towns' Certificates of Canvass counted.
Lilia Pineda established a 15,000+ vote lead.

As Friday morning dawned,
there were three towns and one city that remained,
and that city was San Fernando,
my hometown...



with great pride and affection,
I'm elated to say that when the CoC of San Fernando was tallied,
Among Ed led there by more than 16,000 votes!!!

Those votes, along with the winning totals from the towns of

Mabalacat and Magalang,
counted on the very last hours of the very last day of canvassing,
were able to offset the lead of Lilia from Lubao,

and paved the way for the proclamation of Among Ed as the new Governor of Pampanga.

HOW SWEET IT IS!!!



And now,
the real work begins.


Will the Capampangans
lose their zeal and relax after Fr. Ed's miraculous victory?

Will my Cabalens
once again turn a blind eye towards corrupt elements
and allow these to influence our provincial government?



I don't think so;
we realize that we've won this battle,
but the war against jueteng, illegal quarrying,
and incompetent governance has only just begun.



But I'm optimistic ",
that we've finally regained our pride in our province,


and led by the shining example of Among,
we will continue to light our candles of faith.


Faith in God,
and Faith in the People of Pampanga.

The KONSUMISYON on ELECTIONS

When was the last time we had a COMELEC this INCOMPETENT?



Never, I think.

5 days after the May 14 Elections,
BENJAMIN ABACUS has only counted a little over a million votes
for the Senators.

Yesterday,
Chiz Escudero and Alan Peter Cayetano
were almost cheated out of 100,000 votes each in Zambales.

"Clerical Error" daw, according to Abacus.

In the 1986 Snap Elections, we knew that we were fighting a dictatorship,

so we all expected then Comelec Chairman Leonardo Perez to kowtow to Macoy.

But NOW?!?!??!

GMA's Comelec seems to have hired HIRO NAKAMURA:

Abacus has a very scientific counting method....

it's called Science Fiction:

this administration can slow down time to allow for their 12-0 "sweeps",

and yes, they can turn back time, to circa 21 years ago,

and count our votes just like Marcos did in Maguindanao and Lanao.

Corruption under a Dictatorship, I can understand.

Incompetence under a Democracy, is just plain Irresponsible.

BITCHSLAP

I can't recall any other Philippine Election
wherein the party in power has been so soundly spanked.

More and more,
it's beginning to look like a 7-2-3
victory for the Genuine Opposition.
Loren, Chiz, Ping, Manny, Noynoy, Alan Peter,
and either Koko/Lt. Oakwood

+ indies Kiko & Gringo.

Joker Arroyo & Ed Angara are the sure Two from TU;

but Joker's always been pragmatic, and well, joked his way into the TU slate ",

and Angara was a last minute addition from "the other side",
to justify the "unity" tag in TU;
his ASO colleagues, Sotto and Oreta,
will be lucky to make it to the Top 15.


To salvage some pride,
Ralph Recto may just make it to #12,
but that's up in the air,
given the consistent rankings of Trillanes & Pimentel.

If there's dagdag-bawas to be done,
it will all have to benefit Mr. VAT, or "Value Added Tabulation",
who's actually part of the Senate "Wednesday Club",
that group of independent-minded legislators in the Upper House.


Bottom Line:
ZERO Original GMA Boys in the Top 12....


unless Zubiri somehow BoomTaratTarats his way in...
but GARCI seems to hate the Zubiris of Bukidnon,
and is blaming Migs' relatives for the failure of the Hello, Garci! for Congress Campaign.
Ergo, it's going to be difficult to conduct dagdag-bawas for Jingle boy.


QUO VADIS: Defensor, Pichay, Chavit,
Gloria's Bunch of Barking Boylets?
#16, 20, 24 respectively,
and I do state that disrespectfully.

Not even during what would have been Erap's "midterm" election in 2001,

when his wife Loi ran, and won a Senate seat out of spite,
just 4 months after her husband was forced to take the slow boat out of Malacanang,

has an Administation been so embarassed,

and so severely, and publicly, admonished by the Filipino People.

ALL THE MOST VOCAL CRITICS OF GMA WON NATIONAL OFFICE,

AND ARE IN THE TOP 6 OF THE 12 SENATE SLOTS.

ALL THE MOST OBVIOUS SYCOPHANTS OF GMA LOST THEIR SENATE BIDS.

MADAME PRESIDENT......

The SHREK Meal

GREEN Mustard.

GREEN Ice Cream Float.


So strange,
So funny,
So damn good,

just like SHREK!!!

TONYPET's Flights of Fantasy

Meet TonyPet Albano,
the too-cutesy named "Deputy Spokesman"
of Team Unity.

These past couple of days,
everytime I watch TV or listen to the radio,
I've heard him spread his fallacious gospel
about the 12-0 winning margin of his losing candidates.

Albano's groveling arguments are so far removed from reality,
they have become positively Tolkien-ian.

Let's Dance the CHA-CHA Again!!!

Benjie Lim,
former Dagupan City Mayor,
is losing in his brave bid to unseat Joe De Venecia from his Congressional perch;

too bad,
the net effect would have been the eradication of the Dark Side "Yoda" of the Lower House.

Yo Da V

Yoda


Now, with JDV protege/ChaCha D.I. Migs Zubiri
seemingly on his way to the 12th available seat in the Senate,

Zubiri and JDV



Lito Lapid about to settle back in his La-Z-Boy seat in the Upper House,

right next to fellow clueless action star Bong Revilla,


this all but guarantees
that GMA now has an "in-House" Demolition Crew
that will seek to abolish the Upper House from within,

once JDV sets the wheels in motion,

with the Opposition's former top guns in Congress,

CHIZ Escudero and (maybe) ALAN PETER Cayetano now in the Senate,

and an even greater majority for GMA's GalaMAy's in Congress,

that leaves the Lower House with its doors wide open

for another round of CHA CHA.

.....let's dance!

HUH?!?!?!? Is this a sneaky Lito ATIENZA gimmick, or a product of Fred LIM's Dirty Tricks Dept.???

operative words : "WALA AKONG ALAM..."

Have YOU Finalized Your SENATE Selections?

To Love Somebody? Yes......JORDIN!!!

"I'm the only Idol finalist who's NOT singing a Falsetto BEEGEES song..."

"You don't know what it's like, you don't know what it's like..."

"Uh-Oh!!! Time to hear it from the jury..."

"Barry Gibb said that this is the best cover version ever..."

"Best Vocal. Best Song Selection. Best Performance!!!"

"At Seventeen: she could have a career as one of the top female singers ever!"

"You're a midget, Ryan."

FG Mathematics : 1 + 1 = 0 for Alan Peter CAYETANO

1

+



1

equals

0

"Yung SERIAL NUMBER ng PANSIT, kailangan din niyo?"

after last week's ultra-absurd Starbucks Incident
at the Shang Cineplex,

i thought i would be safe, at least for this week, from the inanities
of over-eager security officers in my beloved metropolis.

I. WAS. WRONG.

I was entering the DEPARTMENT of TOURISM building
this afternoon when I was politely stopped by
a female guard with what I thought was a very odd request:

"Sir, paki-iwan po ang Serial Number ng laptop niyo."


HUH??!?!?!?



1st,
I have no idea what my laptop's serial number is.
Nor where to find it.


2nd,
I'd been regularly attending meetings at the DOT since 2004,
and all of a sudden,
they need my laptop's frickin' serial number?!?!?


3rd,
as you can see from the picture above,
my laptop is like a beloved 12-year old pet dog:
it's obviously getting along in years,
it's not as beautiful as it once was,
and it's surely getting a lot slower,
but I love it anyway.


4th,
aside from my laptop,
i was carrying a steaming bilao of pansit for the merienda meeting.


5th,
after an awkward couple of minutes of looking for the gaddem serial number,
the security officer and I finally guesstimated

that one of the series of numbers
at the bottom of my laptop was The. Serial. Number.


6th.
I was already getting sore and irritated from the delay,
and then I was told that I still had to fill out a freakin' form.
WTF!!!


and finally,


7th.
And so, as I was finally allowed to proceed to my meeting,
I could not resist muttering:
"YUNG SERIAL NUMBER NG PANSIT, KAILANGAN DIN NIYO???"

This is the wonderful CHA MISUA from My Favorite Luncheonette,
TERRY'S along Bambang in Santa Cruz, Manila.

Overloaded with Quail Eggs and Peanuts,
it's what I call the "Arthritis Special",
or the RAYUMA GAYUMA!

baBANATan ko itong hunghang na ito.....

This is just so wrong on so many levels.

I saw this print ad in the Philippine Star this morning,
and it just about ruined my day...
nay, my fooking month of May!!!


Is this a real advert for a real party list nominee,
or is Vicky Belo playing a practical joke on her diet pill-shilling rival?

Either way,
this is PROFOUNDLY STUPID.



BANAT
stands for what, exactly?

A party list for fans of cosmetic surgery?
(note: for those pretending to be poor in Pilipino,
"banat" is translated as "to stretch out";
yes, as in stretch out that face like Kenny Rogers' facelifts)



and WTF,
does the picture indicate that this Dr. Joel Mendez
hopes to attend sessions in Congress costumed as the BATMAN?
(sabagay, JDV would make a pretty good PENGUIN!)


or is it because if you add the letter "M",
and slightly rearrange the other letters,
you come up with "BATMAN"?!?!?!



Like I said,
this is sooooo PROFOUNDLY STUPID.

A true mockery of the Party List System.