What If PHILIPPINE POLITICIANS turned into STAR WARS characters?

NINOY : Obi Wan Kenobi

We all saw the hero die;

but in death,

he became even greater.

TEDDYBOY LOCSIN : Han Solo

A genuine old-fashioned romantic;

the tough guy with a soft heart.

Always ready with the fastest, quickest quips!

FVR : Yoda

They look alike,

and both always seem

to be up to something sneaky.

MIRIAM : C3PO

They talk alike,

and both always seem

to be stressed about something.

LITO LAPID : JarJar Binks

The Star Wars Universe

would not miss, and would actually

be better off, without JarJar,

who can never utter one sensible word.

Philippine Politics would...

BLIND ITEMS:

_________ : Jabba the Hutt

Powerful behind-the-scenes operator

always implicated in big-time scams.

Always hungry.

_________ : Salacious Crumb

Salacious Crumb is that ugly little creature

that's so attached to Jabba,

they seem to be married.

It has a very shrill voice, and

the most irritating laugh in the galaxy.

@ percy, francis, and nolo:

thanks for all the spot-on geeky inputs!