Monday, July 21, 2008

COKE ZERO, now with L-Carnitine!!!

in the midst of a 6-hour feast of grilling & chilling
in one of the first, and still one of the best
Korean Restaurants in the Philippines,

all the way in Noveleta, Cavite (!!!)

the stagerring amounts of Sam Gyup Sal (a.k.a. Korean Bacon),
made me want to convince my beer-guzzling, vodka-shooting friends that...

Coke Zero,
if taken after a calorie-laden, high cholesterol meal,
would actually be the perfect digestif, as it "contains"

the fat-burning amino acid that's propelling Del Monte's "Fit & Right",
URC's "Fab" fruit juices, and RFM's "VitWater" to corpulent sales!

And so, partly to lessen their oily dietary guilt
from all the succulent pork fat that they were imbibing,

I took advantage of my friends' booze-addled minds,
their drowsiness due to over-eating, and their usual
very high regard and trust in me (bwahahahaha!),

and started discoursing on the heretofore unknown benefits of
Coke Zero with L-Carnitine:

"L-Carnitine boosts energy by stimulating the body's burning
of tryglycerides as fuel,
sparing the supply of glycogen stored in the liver for heavier exertion.

During exercise, the body will burn fat at a rate of 75-80% of maximum exertion,
thus less glycogen from carbohydrates is burned.

L-carnitine allows the body to burn more fat, save more glycogen,
and ultimately boost stamina and endurance.

By providing more fat to the muscles,
carnitine makes accessible an otherwise unavailable energy

Too bad,
after all that mumbo-jumbo pseudo-science
that was coming from my forked tongue,

only one person believed me,
and this diet-conscious gentleman ended up
drinking almost 2 liters of Coke Zero:

Just as well,
because he was our designated driver back to Manila,

and all the hypothetical L-Carnitine he greedily drank
prevented him from attacking the San Miguel & Absolut,
thus guaranteeing us a a safe, if burp-y trip home!!!

Thanks again and Happy 31st Birthday,


Blogger charmie said...

uy talaga coke zero meron ng L-carnitine?! :D weeee!

i've lost 30lbs with Fit&Right (shempre may kasamang jogging at diet...)

cool!!! i can have cola again!!!

July 21, 2008 at 11:41 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

wow!! really?! i can have coke!!!!

July 22, 2008 at 4:31 PM  
Blogger ALiNe said...

Looks like L-carnitine is a fad nowaday ;-)

July 22, 2008 at 4:39 PM  
Blogger charmie said...

but you still need to exercise and diet... big help lang talaga L-carnitine...

July 22, 2008 at 4:42 PM  
Blogger spanx said...

charmie, steph, aline!!!

it's just a joke!

coke zero won't make you
gain any weight, but it
won't help you lose any L-carnitine!

i just copy-pasted that
tag on the poster.

i feel guilty now...

i might ruin your diets!!!

July 22, 2008 at 4:52 PM  
Blogger charmie said...


July 22, 2008 at 4:57 PM  
Blogger charmie said...

hehe :D

July 22, 2008 at 4:57 PM  
Blogger ALiNe said...

buti nalang di ako nagdidiet..or else... yari!

July 22, 2008 at 5:50 PM  
Blogger philos said...

Hehe... cool prank! Too bad nobody fell for it though. What would be fun is if carbonated drinks actually become fiber enriched hehe...

Some experts now say that diet product can in fact make you gain weight.

July 22, 2008 at 10:58 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

where'e chigu located?

August 6, 2008 at 8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't wait for Coca Cola's Glaceau to distribute their VitaminWater here in the country, so that people will know ingenuous pinoys are with VitWater.

October 20, 2008 at 7:25 PM  
Anonymous Carnitin said...

Nice to know that Coke zero has L-Carnitine. Many love to drink soda. But it’s nice that it has L-Carnitine now. L- Carnitine really helps in loosing weight. These products are now available online. Better check it out.

December 15, 2010 at 9:55 PM  

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