a HEX on the SLEX : "It VEXES me. I'm terribly VEXED!"

SLEX HATE:

Puñeta. Leche.

45 MINUTES
stranded on the Skyway.

3 HOURS
from Manila to Tagaytay!??!?!

For THREE YEARS now,

traveling to nearby Tagaytay

has been almost like Russian Roulette.

Live or Die by the Vagaries of Fate!!!

The construction or more accurately,

deconstruction of this vital link to the South

has been a shining example of inefficiency and idiocy.

And from the looks of it,

as construction of the effin' Skyway, 

after almost a decade-long pause,

is now being continued with the Bicutan to Alabang extension,

TRAFFIC will get even more appalling. 

As appalling as this modern day Commodus...

NLEX LOVE:

It takes me exactly One Hour to travel from
Sta. Cruz, Manila to San Fernando, Pampanga.

The ALL-DISNEY Championship: L.A. vs. ORLANDO!!!

LAKER's Disneyland or MAGIC's Disney World?

Starting next weekend on 

ESPN and The Disney Channel!

KHO-medya na naman sa Sintu-Sintong Sintunadong SENADO

ABNER AFUANG...

former Bounty Hunter,

former Policeman,

former Mayor of Pagsanjan, Laguna:

current JOHN the BAPTIST of the Senate,

trying to save Hayden's Kho-rrupted soul

by pouring water on the doctor's head.

a TENDER CARE moment:

"baby, basang-basa ka, wawa naman! 

pulbos kita sa likod tapos, k? smile na... 

bad talaga yan si katrina, no? hmmmp!"

Notes on a Scandal:

1. OUR SENATORS ALL SEEM TO BE INBRED CRETINS.
ALL OF THEM. NO EXCEPTION.



2. Kaya pala favorite song din ni Mama's Boy Kho
ang "Beautiful Girls"... dahil siya ay naging:
"SUICIDAL"



3. KHO-nspiracy Boy successfully deflected the issue with his
Fantastic Tales of Child Abuse, Drugs, and Death Threats...

of course,
the Tatlong Itlog bought it hook, line, & sinker.



4. PHILIP SALVADOR...
who played Abener Afuang in the movie "Bounty Hunter",
was at the Senate Hearing, sporting his new SkinHead look.


A portent of things to come?
SALVADOR, SENADOR!!!!!



5. did you notice?

mula sa mga video
hanggang sa senado,
ABSOLUTE pa rin ang tubig?!?!?!

ABSOLUTE WATER... the official H2O of Hayden Kho!!!

(maybe it was too late for the "Hayden Spring" brand?)



6. Hayden spent the rest of the hearing bedhead-ing
his wet hair after the "Cleansing by Afuang".
He also kept on humming "Waterfalls" by TLC.



7. BONG asked questions exactly like BOY ABUNDA.



8. JINGGOY's suddenly slim.
Did he get a BELO LIPO too?



9. I wonder why JAMBY kept on being called "SIR" by Kho.



10. Don't call the Senate a Circus.
Nakakahiya sa Cirque du Soleil!!!

Ang Senado ng Pilipinas sa 2009?
MANILA ZOO!!!








LORENZO Tañada, NINOY Aquino,
JOVITO Salonga, and GERRY Roxas...


The Philippine Senate used to be
composed of INTELLECTUAL GIANTS.



Now, we have the likes of
JAMBY, BONG, and JINGGOY.


We now live in LILLIPUT.

That explains GMA.

ARCHIE chose VERONICA!?!?!?

WTF???

Oh well, she was the pragmatic choice,

what with the recession and all...

poor Betty.

After 67 years of waiting for Archie,

she ends up crying on Jughead's shoulder!

FACEBOOK in the time of JOSE RIZAL

What If...

FACEBOOK
existed during the Philippine Revolution,

and

GEN. EMILIO AGUINALDO and the KATIPUNEROS

were all FB addicts just like you and me?

"Pinunit ko ang Cedula ko at Pugad Lawin. FTW!!!"

TERMINATOR SALVATION: The 3rd Best Terminator Film Ever!!!

Is it as good as T1 and T2?

of course not. 

but then again,

what is?

T3 was a cartoon complete with rotating heads. Grrr!

T4 is exactly what I expected,
and it delivered exactly what I wanted in a TERMINATOR movie:
HEAVY METAL ACTION!!!



Drawing on influences from everything
from the Transformers to War of the Worlds,
from Mad Max to I Am Legend,

Director McG has created a post-apocalyptic thrill ride
that's guaranteed to please Ahnuld's fans!

(Chuck fans will enjoy McG's nod to his own TV hero in one scene)



If you're like me, a true fan of
the original Terminator and Judgment Day,

you'll so love many of the scenes and dialogue in
Terminator Salvation, which is, in many ways,

a counterpoint to the James Cameron classics!!!



THE FUTURE BEGINS TOMORROW.

LELECHONIN na ang BABOY!!!

kakatayin ni mon tulfo, pero

sasawsawan ni bong revilla.

TONIGHT'S HEADLINES:
(are as perverse as dr. kho)


"PMA to probe Dr. Kho for unethical conduct"
(probe him exactly where???)

"Hayden: Footage uploaded without my consent"
(and i filmed the women without their consent)

"Hayden Kho placed in Immigration watchlist"
(what exactly are they watching?)

"Malacañang also wants to 'GO HARD' on Hayden Kho"
(no comment, i rest my case. this whole issue is perverted)

BONG vs. BALDWIN and BOY BASTOS : It's a Smackdown!!!

Classic Action Star Dialogue

from The Senator who would be Vice President

 in 2010:

"Subukan niyang pumunta dito sa Pilipinas 

nang maghalo ang balat sa tinalupan!!!"

"Maniac! Predator! Pervert of the highest kind!

“Buwang itong doktor na ito. Baliw!!!” 

"At bakit ba di kayo magsuot ng T-shirt pareho?

Bastos talaga kayong dalawa, mga... *&#(@*?>!!!"

ICE ICE Baby!!!

Triple Distilled Spirit

with 

Natural Citrus Flavors

A Great New Way 

to lose one's mind with 

TANDUAY!!!

"shake gently before drinking"

Don't Call Him "Hayden", the name's DR. HIDDEN KHO!!!

As in,
Hidden Camera!

As in,
the perv filmed himself with
Katrina "Hurricane" Halili, among others.

As in,
his partners did NOT know that they were instant porn stars.

This MD needs a Psychiatrist, 

And probably, a Lawyer as well.

He might get stripped of his medical license,

but I guess that won't be a problem,

because based on his "candid camera" videos,

Dr. Kho's already used to stripping!

DAVID COOK and DAVID ARCHULETA : The MANILA Concert Experience!!!

"MAGANDANG GABI?
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!"

40,000 in attendance!!!
Wow.






"ALWAYS BE MY BABY"

But Inevitably,

David Cook had to sing this,
the #1 song in the Philippines in 2008!

1st time ever to sing it with his band in concert;
they never performed it together during the U.S. tour.

MABUHAY ang SENTIng mga PINOY!!!!





"STAND BY ME/BEAUTIFUL GIRLS"

David Archuleta's popular mash-up in
American Idol's Season 7!

Thank God that Katrina Halili and her Glowing Balls
did not make a surprise appearance on stage ",)





INTERMISSION:

"Sizzling Hot Glowing Balls.
Ooooo La La!!!"









"STRAIGHT AHEAD"

DC does a BONO
and plunges straight into the middle of the crowd,
where he gets handed cellphone cameras...

to take pictures of his audience. Hahaha!

"A DAILY ANTHEM"

The Song that closed the Concert:
the poignant anthem David Cook wrote for his late brother, Adam.
(No, not Lambert!!!!)

And yes, David Archuleta joins him for the final chorus!!!






"GOODNIGHT...
I CAN'T SAY SALAMAT ENOUGH!"

Archie, back in his hotel room,
still can't believe the Unbelievable Pinoy Fans ",)

COLDPLAY : Absolutely FREE Download of their Brand New LIVE Album!!!

JUST CLICK HERE!

ATE SHAWIE : First Lady in 2016?!?!?!?!?

KORINA SANCHEZ must be weeping and gnashing her teeth...

Senator Kiko Pangilinan confirmed yesterday 

that he will run for Vice President in 2010,

with a moist eye looking towards the Presidency in 2016.

We just might have the fattest First Lady in the world then.

LICENSED TO KILL...

... the ENGLISH language!

Pacquiao.

Manny Pacquiao.

Agent K.O.O7

ALING DIONISIA, is that you?

The most TERRIFYING thing about this picture?

... IT COULD REALLY HAPPEN!!!

FREE Sony Ericsson LAPTOP!!!!!!!

I actually received this from 10 different people today...

I think I need to develop a new set of friends!!!

"FREE LAPTOPS from SONY ERICSSON

if you forward this e-mail to 8 people"

yeah, right....

WHEN PIGS FLY!

PACMAN is PALOS...

SECRET AGENT MAN!!

(now I know why he's been wearing that cap)

"No less than the DOJ Secretary Raul Gonzalez 

himself revealed that Pacquiao has been working for him 

as a “confidential agent” for the past few months now.

He is my intelligence man in Mindanao.”

... there goes the "confidentiality"!!!

The DOJ Secretary is really "intelligent", no?

BARACK OBAMA and the SWINE FLU : a conspiracy theory

"When pigs fly...."

"When hell freezes over..."

These are idiomatic expressions for the impossible.

Well, it's finally happened.

It was once said that a black man would be president....

..."when pigs fly". 

Indeed, 100 days into Obama's presidency...

SWINE FLEW.

Thanks to the mad genius mind of Dr. Vic Lagman!

Boston's Glen Davis : The BABY is now a KG!!!

Almost every basketball fan thought that the defending NBA champs,

the Boston Celtics, 

would be dead and buried by now, 

what with their main man, Kevin Garnett out for the playoffs...

but surprise, surprise!

GLEN DAVIS,

the chubby, cuddly off-the-bench Power Forward known as "Big Baby",

has stepped up bigtime and more than ably filled KG's sneakers,

and just today hit a series-shifting buzzer beater

that could ultimately allow his team 

to defend their crown against the challenges

from LeBron and the Cavs and Kobe and the Lakers!

SPOCKQUIAO!!!

Because there's no one left to knock out on Earth, you know?

PACMAN : The Final Frontier!!!

WINGMAN!!!

Iceman: You can be my WINGMAN any time. 

Maverick: Bullshit! You can be mine. 

I love BUFFALO WINGS so much,
I had to learn how to make them.

I used to have bottles of Frank's Red Hot pepper sauce and
the original Buffalo Wing sauce from New York's Anchor Bar;

all I had to do was heat up the sauce in a pan,
melt a block of butter into the heat,
and pour/baste it over fried chicken wings.

Absolutely one of my favorite comfort foods ever,
but messy to make, and even messier to eat.



That's why I rejoiced when HOOTERS opened a year ago,
and that's why I rejoiced even more when
BUFFALO'S WINGS N THINGS opened last month.

Now, I can have my beloved wings any time I want 'em,
with no mess and no fuss,
and my favorite American bar chow is not too far
from my office in QC, or my house in Manila!



Determining which wings are better would not be just,
it would be impossible; it would be like comparing
MAX's and KFC fried chicken; both are primus inter pares.
I love Hooters and BWnT both, with equal fervor.

Me, I'm just happy that a new home of Buffalo Wings
has opened in Ortigas, and I don't have to fly all the way
to the Mall of Asia to get my fix of an aircraft carrier's
runway length of these mouth-burning, beer-loving wings!




There are currently nine, count 'em, 9 FLAVORS of Wing Sauces
available in Buffalo's Wings N Things,
and at least two dozen more in development.

SONNY ONG, the guy mixing up these sauces,
is also the Head Chef of Italianni's,
so you know you've got an ace at the controls!

Maverick: I feel the need...

...the need for HEAT!

1. New York’s Finest
> original buffalo style: just enough heat for rookies




2.Dial 911
> original buffalo style: kick yo ass hot!



3. Nuclear!
> original buffalo style: it's a meltdown, call Jack Bauer!!!

The BWnT Logo:

very Top Gun!

If your co-pilots or your date "Charlie" can't stand the heat,
the milder, more savory wings are just as good.

The sweet and saucy
HONEY BBQ wings,



and the GARLIC PARMESAN wings,
one of my favorites in BWnT!!!




Aside from the Wings, don't forget these THINGS!

Chef Sonny said that he's preserved the DNA
of the originals versions of these dishes; so you can be sure

that the PHILLY CHEESESTEAKS
are very very cheesy indeed,



and the golden FISH AND CHIPS
are beer-battered and served with malt vinegar!

Thanks again to Chef Sonny for flying in 

the most authentic buttery-hot wings for our Top Gun appetites!

One more reason to love BWnT:

San Miguel Beers are only P36.00 a bottle,

and if you've lost that lovin' feeling for Pale & Light,

Stella Artois, Heineken, and San Mig Premium are also available!

Frozen alcoholic slushees are available by the pitcher;

Lychee Crush, Margarita, and Vodka N' Orange!!!

BUFFALO'S WINGS N THINGS
Food Street, Ortigas Home Depot
Julia Vargas Avenue, Pasig City

landline : 994-8887
cellphone : 0917-525-3201

BWnT on FACEBOOK!

KATRINA and Dr. HAYDEN's KHOrless Whisper

The much denied, long rumored scandal video 

of Katrina Halili and Vicky Belo's Hayden Kho 

has finaly gone viral...

complete with a WHAM song

as their foreplay soundtrack!!! 

I can't decide if this is Erotic or Hilarious.

After all the inadvertent hilarity

(sweaty doctor with a do-rag botches george michael lyrics)

and

absolutely award-winning giling-giling artistry

(bold star clad in skimpy underwear gyrates like an "uod")

of 

KATRINA & HAYDEN'S CARELESS WHISPER
(click on the link above to watch it)

It's time we all try to erase that vivid video memory

with three videos that ought to placate your outraged eyes!

First,

AUDREY TATOU,

star of Amelie and The Da Vinci Code,

in the brand new commercial for CHANEL NO.5:

IT'S ONE OF THE MOST ROMANTIC,

MOST SENSUOUS COMMERCIALS EVER.

A work of art by Jean-Pierre Jeunet,

who also directed Tautou in Amelie,

this short film portrays a sensual encounter between

a man on a woman who brush past each other on a night train.

Filmed in a railway station in Nice and on the Bosphorus in Istanbul,

it was inspired by a scene in another 

Jeunet-Tautou Oscar-nominated film,

A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT.

Second,

from the creator of NIP/TUCK,

an extended preview of what ought to be

the next Big Hit on TV, 

GLEE!

Debuting on May 19 in the United States,

this show about the "worst Glee Club in the country"

ought to be as big as High School Musical AND American Idol,

and with musical performances integrated in every episode,

ranging from songs from Les Misérables to GREASE, 

Aretha Franklin to Katy Perry, and even some JOURNEY,

this should be spectacular!

Finally,

an A CAPPELLA group's video goes viral on youtube,

and their pitch-perfect performance of the theme from

THE SIMPSONS

was sooo good, it was used in the opening credits

of the April 26, 2009 episode of HOMER and family!

D'oh!

DANNIEVERA!!!

para isang beses na lang kayo magalit...

MARTIN'S "APOLOGY":

"A miffed Martin Nievera finally said sorry to those
who disapproved of his rendition of the Lupang Hinirang
during the Pacquiao-Hatton fight in Las Vegas last Sunday:

I DO APOLOGIZE ONLY TO THE PEOPLE
AFRAID OF PROGRESS AND CHANGE."



DANNY'S "EXPLANATION":

"Yeah, I hit this. I did a pretty good job.'
But I listened to it back and I have to say I laughed the whole night.

I THINK IT'S MY FUNNIEST MOMENT ON AMERICAN IDOL!
THAT NOTE."

NO SURPRISE!!!

No need to worry for Chris Daughtry's

spiritual and musical successor...

no thanks to the hyper-idiocy of the 4 Judges,

ALLISON IRAHETA
was knocked out of American Idol

the exact same Top 4 Week that Daughtry

was eliminated in back in 2006.

but don't CRY, BABY...

Daughtry has sold 5 MILLION records since,

and no one really remembers Taylor Hicks!

Iraheta will be selling CDs at Platinum levels,

and I'm sure that Danny Gokey will be a footnote, 

3 years hence!

Here's Chris Daughtry's brand new single:

ANTHEM IDOL!!!

ARTISTRY.
American Idol Judge Kara DioGuardi's favorite word
when describing songs performed this season.

ARTISTIC.
Akbayan Representative Risa Hontiveros-Baraquel's
description of Martin Nievera's National Anthem.

These two gorgeous women look alike,
and now even actually sound alike!!!



I will, however, have to respectfully disagree
with my favorite Partylist Representative, and
I will do a Simon Cowell and say that Martin was...

INDULGENT!!!!

Tanong: Bakit may logo ng Silver Swan si Martin?

Sagot: Kasi TINOYO siya nung kinanta niya ang Lupang Hinirang!

GUNGGONG

Si Martin Nievera ay ang ating Pambansang Gunggong,

ang pinaka-OA na "kumanta" ng ating Pambansang Awit;

hindi kailangan biritan ng melisma ang "Lupang Hinirang",

sapagkat ito ay ang pinakadakila na kanta ng ating bayan.

Nagmistulang Adam Lambert ka pa sa mga karumal-dumal 

mong mga pa-kyut at pa-guwapo effect. American Idol ba ito?

At bakit ba hanggang ngayon ay bali-bali ka pa rin mag-Tagalog?

GUNGGONG ka talaga!!!

tranlation:

MARTIN'S AN IDIOT!

This is how the Philippine National Anthem should be sung!!!